


How Not to Flirt

by knightinpinkunderwear



Category: Dexter (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Autistic Dexter Morgan, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Co-workers, Cussing, Falling In Love, First Dates, Flirting, Humor, Insecurity, Lunch, M/M, Sexual Humor, Vince is bi or pan im not sure he cares on the labels, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinpinkunderwear/pseuds/knightinpinkunderwear
Summary: How Vince and Dex get together. Featuring misguided attempts at flirting and shared bad humor.Requested by DexterStar (formerly Bob)
Relationships: Vince Masuka/Dexter Morgan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 50





	How Not to Flirt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DexterStar](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=DexterStar).



"Watching ice melt... this is fun," Morgan the sister mocked as Vince poured the solution over the block. Morgan the brother stood on his other side leaning over to get a peek at the fingertips encased in ice. Making a Morgan-Masuka sandwich. Somehow they were suspended with spacing that they might have if still attached to a hand, which was pretty impressive.

"Why don't you come a little closer, Morgan, and I'll melt your heart," Vince spoke, leaning towards the almost comically large block of ice. 

"Careful, I think he's trying to flirt with you, Dex," Angel teased, pushing the ginger playfully towards Vince. 

"Huh?" Dexter said, like he hadn't been paying attention. Knowing Dex, he'd probably tuned out the conversation minutes ago. Sometimes it was like he was a radio tuned into a different frequency than everyone around him, he just didn't pick up on anything unless summoned out of his head. 

Officer Morgan stared at him like he'd grown another head. 

"What?" He asked, dropping his shoulders and looking at the homicide officer.

"No gross sexual comment to defend your straightness?" she asked.

"The boss is right behind us, and I never said I was straight," Vince said, voice level, stirring the remaining solution with a popsicle stick (not obtained from a popsicle). The boss's presence probably wouldn't have changed his behavior had he not also noticed her flirting with Morgan the brother.

"Are you seriously flirting with my brother?" He was too busy addressing the tone and disgusted look on Morgan the sister's face to turn and gauge Dexter's. _Shit._

Dexter was wearing one of his dime a dozen blank but confused expressions, which meant that he could be thinking anything.

"That's enough," LaGuerta cut him off before he could reply. It was almost a blessing, he hadn't been sure what he was going to say but it probably would have been embarrassing. And it definitely would have been stupid.

Like how he'd been trying to flirt (or get up the nerve to flirt) with Dex for almost three years. And how despite his anxieties saying that Dexter was trying to let him down easy he was quite certain the almost red-head was just oblivious. 

"The nails," Dex-bot said, right on cue, back in his own frequency and oblivious to the surrounding conversation. Someone could probably put up a billboard and he would be none the wiser. Vince wasn't sure if he had purposely retreated back into his own head or if it just... happened. 

They had a job to do besides lingering on failed flirtations. (If Vince actually lingered on those for more than a second he wouldn't have any time to do anything else).

So, Vince looked.

The opaque layer of ice had melted and left a clear view of the fingertips. _Huh_. Each nail was painted a different color, it looked kinda cool actually. It would have looked a lot cooler if it were not on fingertips that had been cut off of a dead person. Specifically, the removed from hand and body aspect. 

"Oh, this is some seriously fucked-up my friends," Angel murmured, leaning closer.

"Why go through all this trouble?" the Boss asked, getting the gold sticker question.

"What's this sick fuck trying to tell us?" Officer Morgan continued and Vince had the feeling that while she was on the right track with the nails being a message he had the feeling that the message was of the personal sort. There wasn't any sort of significance to MPD with the colors or that particular arrangement. It was too memorable a detail. The colors weren't even arranged in rainbow order or according to any other pride flag or kink thing he'd seen.

Vince tuned out the rest of the conversation, leaving to catalog evidence bags (what little there were) from the refrigerated truck. Maybe they would have a clue as to who the killer's message was actually for.

He was in the enclosed lab when Dex confronted him.

"Were you?" Dexter asked, starting conversations the way he did half of the time like he'd started it in his head and forgot to share the whole thought to those he was talking to.

"Was I what?"

"Flirting with me?"

Oh, _that._ He'd been hoping that Dexter had forgotten about that. 

"Have been for a while, yeah," he answered, bracing himself for inevitable rejection and possibly a cutting insult about sexuality.

"Oh," Dex said, not meeting his gaze but not avoiding it. "I thought I would've noticed, I guess I was too busy trying to ignore LaGuerta," he continued, migrating back to his own radio frequency.

"Does it bother you?" Vince asked, almost instantly regretting it. Of course, being flirted with by his perverse and male coworker would be a bother. But maybe there was the tiniest chance that it didn't.

"I really wish she'd stop it, or at least the winking," he pinched his face, his upper lip twisting and bunching up in a weirdly captivating sort of way.

"No, I meant me,"

"Oh," he said for the second time.

"Well?" Vince prompted, waiting for the eventual disgust due to the _everything_ about him. About his hair loss, about his flirting with coworkers, about his numerous perverse comments, about his sense of humor, about basically every piece of him.

"No? It just never occurred to me that you- and I'm sorry I didn't notice," Dexter said, not making one bit of sense. 

"You're apologizing _to me_?"

"Yeah, I'm not good at the flirting or the dating thing, I can barely tell when women are interested,"

"As opposed to men?" Vince finished, quizzical.

"Never said I was straight," Dex echoed him from what felt like more than just two hours ago. "You wanna get lunch at the conch stand three blocks down?"

"Are you asking me out?" Surely, he had to be misreading the situation. 

"I'm ...trying?" Dexter offered, and wow at least they were both awkward when it came to genuine interactions not revolving around murder.

"What about that blond girlfriend?"

"We split three months ago," Dex shrugged. And that was it. 

The food was pretty good. Dex seemed to have a habit of filling his mouth and chewing when listening to someone talking. His chewing face was very similar to his thinking face. Maybe Vince was paying too much attention.

"You know What Not to Wear?" he asked as they started the moderately short walk back to the precinct.

"Yeah, Deb was obsessed with it last year,"

"We'd be on a show called _'How not to Flirt'_ -!"

"Hey, my strategy has worked for me so far," Dexter frowned, though it was really more of a pout. 

"What, wait until someone drags you out of your loneliness?" he goaded, nudging the ginger in the side with his elbow.

"It sounds pathetic when you phrase it like that," Dex murmured with even more of a pout than before, eyebrows pinching together in the space above his eyes. But it wasn't defensive, so he hadn't gone too far with his jab.

"Not as pathetic as going to bars to pick up people every other night and not being on a real date since '04," Vince retorted, continuing what was almost starting to be a competitive pity party. Stopping and waiting for the crosswalk signal to turn.

"This is your first date in two years?" Dexter echoed, unreadable.

"I mean I've gone for drinks and a quickie but-"

"Is it okay if we take things slow?" The almost red-head interrupted, getting cagey. Which made sense, as far as he knew Dex has never had a relationship with a man, especially not a sexual one. And given his Dad was a cop there might've been some baggage involved with sex and sexual orientation.

"You want to make this a thing?" He asked, wondering how he hadn't driven off Dex yet. And how Dex was even interested in him and a real relationship in the first place. 

"Why not? We already know most of the general 'get to know you' stuff and we get along well enough to be close coworkers for a little over a decade,"

Vince smiled, not a perverse grin or a joking smirk, a real smile.

"What?" Dex asked, absolutely unaware just how weirdly endearing he was being.

"You're arguing the logical merits of us dating!" he laughed, far too fond already.

"Another reason I should be on 'How Not to Flirt'?" he asked with a bit of a grin. 

Vince laughed. And just then decided that he was going to try his best not to sabotage this... whatever they had for himself or for Dex. It was good, filled with stupid jokes, and mildly awkward, but still good.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! It wasn't grand or with long sweeping pining, but I feel like awkward and stilted is how they would get together.


End file.
